Outsourcing parenthood

Today's busy couples let 'experts' do their child-rearing

"Every time you pick your baby up ... every time you change her, bathe her, feed her, smile at her, she's getting the feeling that she belongs to you and you belong to her. Nobody else in the world, no matter how skilful, can give that to her."

-- Dr. Benjamin Spock

Remember the days when a busy CEO would hand his secretary a wad of cash and dispatch her to the flower shop to buy his wife a birthday gift? Not being a busy CEO, I have no idea whether this is still a popular practice, but I do know that most of us in the peon classes tend to view it with derision. The modern male spouse does his own special-occasion shopping, if he knows what's good for him.

Apparently, the same cannot be said for the upper crust of modern parents. A recent article in the Washington Post tells of the cutting-edge trend in parenting in which activities that traditionally have been a parent's responsibility are now outsourced to "experts."

For example, hiring a potty-training consultant is a worthwhile expenditure for affluent and busy parents who have far more money than time. Likewise, sleep-trainers can be brought in for 24-hour periods to get unco-operative infants on a schedule that suits their parents, and even personal shoppers can be hired at an hourly rate to pick up last-minute birthday gifts for precious little ones whose parents are -- wait for it -- too busy to do the shopping.

What's next? A wet nurse? A paid live-in homework assistant? How about a first-steps coach, to ensure that baby gets walking off on the right foot?

Or a professional infant bonding consultant to take the pressure off mom and dad and do the bonding him/herself?

What makes us so special that we must pay someone else to do everything for us that might be somewhat challenging or take a bit of time?

If becoming a parent is supposed to stretch us, awaken us to the concept that we are no longer the centre of our universe, that someone else needs us every moment of every day, then can the people who are partaking of services like the ones mentioned really be called parents in the true sense of the word?

Most of us are quick to spot those parents who we feel are openly and wantonly neglectful. We see toddlers in bulging diapers guzzling Coke from the bottle and shake our heads in righteous indignation. Isn't it possible, though, that the meting out of many of the tasks involved in being a parent is also a form of neglect?

For an answer other than my own gut response, I went to good old Dr. Spock. Before you counter that Spock is a throwback to a simpler time, who didn't have to cope with the pressures of our post-20th-century world, remember that his bible for parents has been revised as recently as four years ago.

Spock acknowledges that we live in a rapidly changing world, and makes every attempt to factor in modern issues in his advice to new parents. But still, no matter how much things change, listen to what he insists.

"Every time you pick your baby up -- even if you do it a little awkwardly at first -- every time you change her, bathe her, feed her, smile at her, she's getting the feeling that she belongs to you and you belong to her. Nobody else in the world, no matter how skilful, can give that to her."

By Sasha Roeder Mah , Growing Pains

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